You are probably thinking… what else could there possibly be that shows you what is important in your life? Well, have you ever overheard people talking to themselves? Everybody has a little voice in their head… this voice usually expresses whatever is on your mind. Not everybody talks out loud; some people keep it purely in their mind. This is called “self talk”.
Self-talk is the monologue or running commentary on whatever is happening right now, what is one the forefront of your mind, or things that you are worried about most. These words can either be very self-destr
uctive, or you could have empowering sentences, called affirmations.
If you have heard me say this before, skip this part and go to the next paragraph, but if you haven’t, you probably haven’t done the previous exercises that are part of this series, so you will have no idea what this is all about! If you haven’t done the exercises explaining Values, please do them now! Start with 1 and work your way through to number 10, this is exercise number 11. This is all about finding your Highest Values.
Exercise 1, Exercise 2, Exercise 3, Exercise 4, Exercise 5, Exercise 6, Exercise 7, Exercise 8,Exercise 9, Exercise 10,
Right, before the voice in your head takes over again, let’s get back to my voice. Noticing your self-talk could be difficult for some people, since they are not aware of the fact that they are not their thoughts.Here are a few examples just to stimulate your mind a bit….
| Things you value | Higher level need that is fulfilled |
| I don’t want to stand out from the crowd | Conform to group / keeping others happy |
| Relationships always hurt | Relationships |
| Nobody loves me | Self pity/ addiction to sadness |
In this situation, you might have to ask the second question again, since conforming to a group or keeping others happy might not be the answer you are looking for… in this case, ask yourself: What is the higher level need that these things fulfill? Your answer might look like this:
I don’t deserve… – keeping others happy – social acceptance
Therefore in the right hand side’s box your answer will be “social acceptance”… this will be the final answer we will look at later.
Or
| Things you value | Higher level need that is fulfilled |
| Is my child okay at home with their nanny? | Children |
| Remember to water the plants | Nature / plants |
| I can achieve whatever I set my mind to | Empowered beliefs |
In this situation you might also have to do as explained above… your answer will look like this:
I can achieve whatever… – Empowered beliefs – Self empowerment
As you can see, these are 2 wildly different types of Self-talk; both are fine for this example. I don’t want you to give me a sentence that comes up only once a day, there are certain patterns of thought that should be clear to you, they will stand out… you will hear them in your head constantly and repeatedly.
Here is mine:
| Things you value | Higher level need that is fulfilled |
| Relationships are my biggest strength | Relationships |
| Everything is love, all else is illusion | Spiritual awareness |
| I create everything in my life | Empowerment |
Now it’s your turn…
Question 11: What do you say to yourself most often? What do you talk to yourself about in your own mind when nobody is listening? If I could stick a recorder in your mind… what would be the most likely conversation I will hear?
well, done, 11 done, 1 more to go!