If you have not read Part 1 of this series, please click here to catch up.
So far we have mentioned that there are some underlying reasons why people will ignore what is most important to them and choose to follow other people’s Values instead. I also mentioned that you can only take care of others once you have taken care of yourself… so here is some more information and an exercise to help you understand this even better.
If you are in a relationship or a job where you feel that your needs aren’t met, why are you still there? If you valued yourself, you would not be there (some of you might disagree, but this is true with one exception: if you feel there is something there for you to learn). It really is that simple!
I am not saying you have to leave your job or relationship straight away, but at least make an effort to improve things so you get what you need and if THAT doesn’t work, then leave.
As with anything in life though, communication is key, learning how to speak in somebody else’s value systems will get you very far in getting what you want… you have to learn how to “ask” in the right way. This will be discussed in more detail in a few weeks from now.
If you stay in a specific type of situation that is not optimal for your health, relationships, finances or yourself, you are there because it serves you on some level, and yes, it is your choice to be there, otherwise you wouldn’t be. You always have the choice! Everybody has a story (which are ultimately reasons or excuses) to tell about why they do what they do, why things are the way they are and why their life ended up the way it is now. Stories are your justification for things happening; it makes you feel better about things that are not really as good as it could be… it’s a boundary that you set for yourself.
This same story that makes you feel better about your situation, is unfortunately also the “story” that keeps you in that situation until you decide to change the “story“, only then can you let go of the boundaries and expand. Holding on to your boundaries might cause resentment and anger later in life, as you will never seem to get what you want… this will ultimately lead to pain, illness and disease. (Stories you tell yourself can either put you into the “victim mentality”, or it can empower you, which one do you choose?)
There are off course 2 sides to every story, and in part 3 there will be more information on this topic.
In the meantime, here is an exercise for you:
Exercise: Next to each of these names with an arrow next to it, write down the story that is your justification or reason for this situation. Example: John Smith? : he is my boss so I have to listen to him otherwise I will lose my job.
Now, as usual, keep this list in a safe place, as we will add some more information to these answers later.
In the next post I will discuss this dynamic from a different perspective as there is always more than 1 explanation to everything, however, if you are hurt or angry with what I just said, or if you have realised some things already and you just want to talk about your situation, please visit the Services or FAQ section of my website… I am looking forward to hearing from you!