Our values are like a hidden priority list that is stored in our minds. Every second of every day we get bombarded with information from the external and internal world, but there is no way you can process 
all this information. Before your reality is created, your mind has a filtering process that only allows the most relevant information through… one of these filters is your “Highest Values”. If you have read my free e-book, this should make sense, and if it doesn’t, arrange a Skype session with me so I can explain this. If you have not read the e-book, stop what you are doing, fill in your details on the right and download the e-book now.
Since we do what is most important to us in any given moment, we will always live according to our Highest Values and get exactly what we want… right? Wrong!
There are a couple of reasons why people would choose to give up what is important to them. They will not live according to their own Highest Values but rather live according to the values of some “higher power” (government, religious, cultural) or somebody they value more than themselves (business, relationships, family). Here are just a few reasons for this:
- Lack of self-worth
- Fear of rejection
- Lack awareness of self and universal laws
- Religious beliefs
- Don’t like taking responsibility for actions
- Limiting beliefs and decision that cause inflexible boundaries
Now some of you will disagree with the reasons above, since these are the reasons you choose to give:
- I like seeing others happy, it makes me happy
- It is my duty
- It is the right/responsible thing to do
- My religious beliefs says that I have to give to others and love my neighbor as myself
- I just want people to like me
- If I don’t, I get in trouble
- It is just what was dealt for me in this life; it’s just the way it is.
(the only exclusions from this list would be significant life changing events, like having a child, accidents etc)
Please realise that these are just the stories you tell yourself, but they are actually symptomatic thoughts of some underlying problems mentioned in the list at the top. Ultimately, if you are not following your Highest Values, you are devaluing yourself.
There is a great metaphor for this that they use on commercial airlines: “put your own mask on before helping others”. There is a reason for this!
You are no good to the others if you don’t take care of your own needs first… however humble you think you are for always helping others, or making them happy, you are digging your own grave slowly but surely. Worst of all is that you probably end up with anger and resentment to the people in your life for the fact that your needs were never met.
It is only once you realise that you CAN fulfill your needs AND others’ needs that you are able to take care of your own needs and give to others in a balanced, unconditional way. Slaying yourself for other people is NOT “humble” or “responsible”, in fact, quite the opposite.
Exercise 1: Before you go to the next post, make a list of people in your life, list as many people as you know, whether they are from your family, business or friends… they can also be from your past.
Exercise 2: On this list of relationships you made, whether business, family and love relationships (it could also be an institution like government or religion); make an upwards arrow next to the ones where you feel the following:
- You give more than you receive
- Your needs are not taken into consideration
- You feel drained after spending time with this person/in this place or just thinking about it
- You feel resentful or angry towards them for the fact that they keep taking from you (energy, money, time etc.)
- You feel pressured by feelings of guilt or shame to do/give certain things to them
List as many people and institutions as you can!
I will expand more on this in the next posts, so don’t go too far! There are quite a bit more to this subject than what was mentioned above.
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